Why You'll Never Be Happy

Wait, I thought we were supposed to learn to be happy? Isn’t that what your site’s all about? Why in the WORLD is this your first blog post? Let’s get crystal clear, right off the bat - we want something so much better for you than happiness.

Happiness is not a realistic goal, and we’ll talk about why. There are plenty of other realistic goals you can have - any goal will do. We firmly believe that whatever you’re working toward, you CAN feel consistently content and fulfilled.

Before you can work toward your goals, you HAVE to really come to terms with your current self. So before you can become content and fulfilled in life, let’s work to understand that YOU are naturally unhappy, dissatisfied, and worried. 

WHY? Besides humanity’s biological programming to simply survive and reproduce, three powerful psychological forces are keeping you from that “happy” feeling:

  1. You Are Wired to Romanticize the Past- Ever think about how great things “used to be?” Are you ever told you’re “living in the past?” It’s called the Pollyanna Phenomenon, and it’s why we romanticize the past and remember it positively. And you STRUGGLE, feeling bummed out when the present moment can never feel as good. (Note: people who deal with depression are the opposite and think about the past negatively.)

  2. You Live in Anticipation for the Future - Know as optimism bias, this can be used as a common but dangerous motivational tool. I know we’ve all been told, “Your future is so bright,” or “It’s hard now, but just think about how you’ll feel once you ____.” NO, no, no, no. Most of us live in anticipation, waiting for your big break and never enjoying life in the moment. Again, you’re stuck STRUGGLING.

  3. You Constantly Chase Happiness - As a result of these two previously-discussed mindsets, we get caught up in our own illusion. We get laser-focused on future goals and how HAPPY we’ll be once we reach them. Then...we do reach those goals. It’s good while it sinks in! And then, eventually, the happiness fades. And we find some other goal to latch onto. And the hedonic treadmill goes round and round as we STRUGGLE to keep up.

Let’s get you off that treadmill, shall we? First, we need to emphasize that unhappiness is not a bad thing. In fact, it makes you human. Hooray, you’re human! 

We’ll never use the word “happy” in our coaching approach as something we want you to strive for. Instead, we’re aiming to guide you toward your goals while living adventurously and experiencing daily fulfillment. Daily Fulfillment comes when we find Balance, practice Presence, and have a Purpose. We can still make Progress toward our goals once we learn to exercise Daily Fulfillment and follow our MAPs (Mission, Allies, Planned Resources).

Let’s recap: 

  1. If you’re human (you are, right?), you will never be “happy.” 

  2. You CAN find balance, presence and purpose to feel satisfied every day while making progress toward your goals.

This is the beginning of your adventure toward true fulfillment. Follow along with us - we all need reminders to get off the treadmill and live for today.

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